Many moons have passed since the first man threw his coat over a puddle for the daintier sex to walk across. Gender relations have been moving upward ever since. We have mastered small talk and we have succumbed to putting toilet seats down. We open doors, we pay for dinners and we smile nicely for surly old grandmothers so that when the right time comes, our deeds are currency to buy favors of our own.
We are not fools; the crow we have been eating for years has all been by design. Soon we will get what we want. And in this instance, you want your girlfriend to lose a couple of pounds. If she were thinner, you would desire her more, uh, she'd be more attractive, uh, what I really mean is that her clothes would fit better, which means... damn.
To embark on a mission to tell your girlfriend to lose some weight is among the most taboo rituals in the history of he said/she said. One false move, and you will forever live in infamy as the man who destroyed the hard work of many men accomplished over many, many years. On the other hand, if you successfully coerce your lady friend into shedding a few pounds with some slick tongue trickery, prepare for immortality. You'll never need to blow kisses at bloated grannies again.
Speaking openly with your girlfriend about her weight is an intricate science. Women fall into two very distinct categories: those who feel fat but look great, and those who feel fat and are fat. It is crucial that you are mindful of this when walking the fine line between helping your princess become the sculpted beauty she can be, and poking her insecurity buttons with a sharp stick.
For you, it can be the difference between happiness and an untimely death. Treat it with the belief that every male is watching your every move. Because we are.
make her want to do it
As much as we men have tried to reserve the right to fiddle and fuss about the shape of the missus, we must remember that our opinions about our women are just that: opinions.
One man's lump of coal is another man's diamond. If she is active, healthy and happy with her size, you best file your misgivings away. The worst thing you can do is swing below the belt. But if she is overindulgent and lazy, and her figure has paid the price, she may need a little help getting a weight-loss regimen into full swing.
There are many backhanded ways to put the seed of becoming svelter in the mind of your honey.Here are the six craftiest things you can say...
1- "I don't like the way that outfit looks on you anymore."
Every woman has a go-to getup. If you don't know it, you don't know her well enough to discuss her flabby stomach. The only thing that could ever change the way an outfit looks is the way it fits. Tell her you aren't sure why it looks odd, suggest a looser knit, and watch her forever skip the nachos with cheese.
2- "I can't get over how fat I feel."
Women have been commiserating with each other for eons about the thickness of their thighs. If you launch a pity party of your own about how heavy you feel, and let her know at every turn, she'll become fat-obsessed by osmosis. Women have been doing it to each other since the dawn of public washrooms.
3- "Your friend isn't nearly as attractive since she gained that weight."
Be careful. Delivery is everything. Pick her homeliest friend and you can let your most outrageous BS fly. Pick an attractive pal and you'll be explaining your wandering eye until you give her a ring. Focus on the improbable target, and she'll be thinking that if you find her bookworm buddy hefty, perhaps a diet should be on her docket.
4- "I have a new female trainer at the gym."
She won't suggest fewer trips to the gym, but it will drive her bonkers to think that another woman is spotting your squat thrusts. She'll sign up and be there within 24 hours just to keep an eye on you.
5- "The saleswoman said it was for smaller women."
If you want your girl to shed some baby fat, spend a couple of bucks on a nice little fashion piece a couple of sizes out of her reach. If she thinks she is thin in your eyes, and the only thing telling her otherwise is a piece of clothing, she'll work morning, noon and night to fit into that cursed thing.
6- "Let's help each other lose a couple of pounds?"
Let's face it. If you tell your girlfriend to lose some weight, she'll withdraw your all-access pass to her wonderful folds. But an honest commitment to work together to become fitter and shed some unwanted girth can only be met with the excitement that your investment in her is the same as what she is willing to invest in you. Losing weight is no small task. Make her sure you're worth it.
